Judd Apatow ruined my life
The last few weeks have been rough for me, I broke up with someone, I’m broke as shit and can’t seem to get a job, I’ve been sitting around watching old episodes of The Adam and Joe show in my pants eating pizza. Wishing I could go back to the 90’s where people and things were simpler, and all I cared about was the Beano and how my Pokemon collection was going (great by the way). To make myself get out of this slump I watched ‘Superbad’.
Yes all these guys at the end of the movie either sleep with/nearly sleep with the most ridiculously gorgeous intelligent girls.
It didn’t make me feel better, I felt ripped off. This is the age old question, well I say age old it seems to be in the majority of left leaning ‘indie’ films to come out of Hollywood recently. You know the films that people say are indie because its got Seth Rogan not Matthew Mcconaughey as the main character, that doesn’t make it indie because he’s wearing a fucking Les Savy Fav t-shirt guys. I’m getting off point. I doubt I’m the first person to notice that most films that Judd Apatow produces/writes/directs stars a chubby quirky stoner type underachiever guy with a gorgeous albeit slightly crazy and boring woman.
It seems like theres an unfair advantage for guys to be these fun loving, underachieving but happy people who happens to meet a girl when she’s drunk (seriously Superbad, Knocked Up etc… all the women are drunk!) and he gets bettered by her straight arrow responsibly characteristics but he’s still a funny guy. MOVIE END. So what just happened? Guys get into hijinks with no consequences, meets woman, somehow sleeps with woman, fighting, man is bettered by the woman acting like a total bitches/boring/nagging stereotypes. Boys get drunk, act like morons, get girls…
This doesn’t even count towards the main issue with these films, is that where is the film where the chubby girl who’s fun and is an underachiever lucks out with an incredibly hot guy? I can’t keep watching films where the chubby guy falls in love the gorgeous girl, I bet theres a chubby girl standing in every scene of these movies in the background having her own hijinks. I WANT TO WATCH HER MOVIE. Or I want to watch a movie where Jonah Hill sleeps with someone his own size, because if he wasn’t fucking famous thats what would happen.
QUIRKY UNDERACHIEVING, STONER, HIPSTER GIRL MEETS…
BORING, NAGGING STRAIGHT ARROW HUNK IN THE A NEW MOVIE BROUGHT TO YOU BY..
I’m tired of this double standard, I want to watch this movie with the chick from ‘Hairspray’ (you try and think of an overweight hollywood actress) and Robert Pattinson where the chick isn’t brave or feisty, she’s just an awesome, funny person. If no one asked why Jonah Hill at the end of Superbad gets Emma Stone, then no one should question my movie.
Now whenever I go out, I always have huge problems deciding what to wear. A few years ago I used to wear a lot of dresses and heels. Went through this whole 1950’s housewife kick, I’m pretty sure every girl with big tits and a smaller waist then their tits saw halterneck dresses and went ‘I guess that it for clothes for the rest of my life’.
Last few years I’ve been fulfilling my secret penis envy by dressing like guys who I find attractive, I have no idea what that says about me but I’m a t-shirt and very short skirt and biker boots person. Example.
Skull t-shirt - Clothing federation £10
Skirt - Topshop £28
Standard, I have a large collection of ‘witty’ ‘cool’ ‘geeky’ shirts that conveniently hide any type of figure. It wasn’t a conscious thing when I started hiding, specially my tummy, waist and boobs, but when you’ve stopped wearing those clothes and you’ve met new people who’ve always seen you wear that, its hard to go back.
Dress - H&M £20
This is the type of thing I wore a few years back, again curvy girls go batshit crazy for high waisted skirt, you might as well wear a shirt going ‘My tits are the focus of this outfit, for the love of god don’t look at the fat’. I love those kind of clothes but all seems a bit too sexual. In ‘Fat is a Feminist’ the idea of curvy girls ‘desexualising’ themselves because of their outwardly feminine figure is something I can relate to. If I wear clothes like this now I’d feel naked, like I wouldn’t taken seriously and that I was a huge fucking joke to be honest.
I’m not sure whether other girls with a ‘hour glass’ figure feel the same way, a battle between feeling like you might as well introduce your tits to people before yourself because thats all they see, or feeling that you’re trying too hard, and when a fat girl tries to hard (i.e at all) its just embarrassing for the rest of society.
I went to dinner with my dad a few weeks ago and he pointed out a larger girl wearing shorts, saying ‘I think the rest of humanity would thank her if she didn’t wear those’. Classic dad. So thats the inspiration for tonights outfit.
The rest of humanity should thank me for how awesome I look.
T-shirt - Volcom £15 (Thanks Simon)
Shorts - Topshop £25
Firstly, from a male perspective, I don't think of you as fat at all. (And I'm not saying that to try and butter you up, it's not a description that springs to mind when I've seen pictures of you.) I wouldn't even think of you as chubby, as I associate that word with more flesh around the face - but even that shows the different (and please excuse the pun, it's unintentional and lame but I'm too tired to think of a better word) weightings we give to simple words.
I look forward to reading more pieces on here, as I rarely read women's magazines it's interesting to see what you get bombarded with and I've suggested that a couple of friends keep an eye on this too.
(Also, I'm sorry if this is kind of weird, tweeting at you yesterday then commenting here today.)